Internal Bleeding
by Cumberbatch Critter
Summary: The clock was striking twelve. Twelve hours of no sleep. Twelve hours of confusion. Twelve lonely hours. Twelve hours. .:Twelve hours without him:.


_**Internal Bleeding**_

The clock was striking twelve. Twelve hours of no sleep. Twelve hours of confusion. Twelve lonely hours. Twelve hours.

Twelve hours without him.

Morning would never come, not in Axel's opinion. The darkness that had resided in every little niche and cranny had seeped out during the late night hours, staining the sky a deep black. There were no stars to pierce the unbroken stretch of dark expanse that was the sky. Even the moon seemed to be hiding out tonight. Maybe it was a new moon. It was silent in his room, even though the windows were shoved open as far as they could go. Frigid air leaked in through the windows, covering the room and it's contents in a freezing atmosphere. No wind blew through, though, leaving everything quiet on the outside as well. The occasional snap of a twig or the flutter of a leaf was absent. It was as if the night itself had died, leaving only a blank space in it's place. Axel knew that it wasn't going to come back.

There was a place inside every Nobody that resided the secrets only known to him. It was a confusing place, a place where only it would make sense to the beholder. All the feelings, the emotions, the hurt, the pain, the happiness, the love. It was rumoured that a Nobody didn't have such a place. That he didn't have a heart. But, Axel knew that was wrong as well. If he didn't have a heart, then how could he feel it breaking? How could have he told that it was broken? The steady beating under his chest might say that his ticker was still ticking in perfect shape, but he knew it was dead. Despite the _th-thump th-thump_ that echoed in his ears within the silence of the night, he knew it would never be the same. For, one could go on living without really seeing. When those feelings, those emotions, the hurt, the pain, the happiness, the love, when those had all disappeared, what was left but a shell.

That's what Axel was.

And currently the shell was stretched out on his bed, one leg pulled up while the other was stretched out, as if reaching for oblivion. His arms were folded neatly beneath his head, red hair spilling out onto the cream white pillowcase. Turquoise eyes were looking to the ceiling, the pure white ceiling. The blank ceiling. A blank stare. Black cloak untidy, falling off to rest on the bed as well, shoes still on. Faint smudges and splotches of red patterned the bedsheets, but the crimson was dry. Blood had followed Axel from the scene. Just like the memories that were haunting him, mocking him.

_Roxas, why won't you answer your damn phone. Axel was thinking to himself as he paced the length of the hallway, dialing the all too familar number yet again. And getting the all too familiar message again._

_"Hey, it's Roxas. Can't answer right now, so leave me a message."_

_The redhead sighed and hung up again. After four messages, and several texts, there was still no response. Something was up, and there was no doubt. Roxas wasn't even in the castle now; he'd gone off on his own earlier with some explaination about a doctor's appointment. No one questioned it, because no one cared. And Axel didn't question it, because he wasn't that obsessed. But now, something had gone wrong. Axel had a faint idea where the blonde haired boy might have slipped off to, since he obviously hadn't gone to a doctor. And so the Flurry vaporized into a portal of shadows, of darkness, leading himself to Twilight Town. _

_His footsteps echoed eerily once he had arrived and took off by foot to the clocktower. It was so quiet. Or was it him imagining things? A sight shake of the head. Focus, Axel. The soft squish of something sticky made his complexion go from peach to pale within an instant. Looking down, he soon realized that he had stepped on a half melted bar of Sea-Salt Ice Cream. Way to freak out over nothing. He then looked up, as if expecting to see the cause of the dropped Ice Cream. He then realized that he was underneath the clock tower. Where Roxas might have been. And there was Ice Cream on the ground. Roxas' favourite flavour. Roxas wouldn't just throw the ice cream down. Or drop it, if he was paying attention..._

_Axel paused for a moment before his feet pounded off to the stairs leading up to the top, taking them two at a time. Red hair flicked back at the breeze that he had caused from his running, a shiver slowly snaking it's way from his hairline to his legs. He arrived to the top, skidding in a pool of something wet once again. But upon looking down, it wasn't the cool blue colour of the delicious treat. It was red. And spreading from a point, trickling down. That point was Roxas._

_"Roxas!" Axel yelled, flitting to his friend who was sprawled out on the top of the clocktower, crimson dripping from various parts of his body. The young boy, his best friend, his Roxas. "Roxas!" he shouted aloud again, although his friend's eyes were open, and his breathing was still noticible. Faintly._

_"You just.. don't give up.. do you, Axel?" the blonde murmured, his deep blue eyes flicking to meet up with the turqouise ones. A cell phone, covered with a layer of red, was laying, rejected, a few feet away._

_"What did you do, you idiot!" Axel's cool, long fingers slipped back the ends of Roxas' sleeves to reveal deep gashes across the wrists, and an alarmingly large amount of blood still pouring from them. He'd sliced clean through the main arteries, or at least hit them badly._

_"I just wanted.. everyone to.. listen.." Axel stopped, gaze moving to Roxas. "I wanted.. them to.. understand.. But maybe.. they will.. after this is.. over.."_

_"Hey, you're not going to die so don't talk like that. Just keep your trap shut if you can't speak right!"_

_"A..Axel.."_

_"What." The redhead's eyes locked onto the blonde's for a second in time, but it was enough to get the point across. Axel knew Roxas wasn't going to survive. Roxas knew it too, but he wasn't regretting it. Axel was, however, he wasn't going to show that. "No. Not a chance. You can't leave the Organization that easily, bud." He started to haul him to his feet, noticing for the first time, the other wounds that his friend had self inflicted. His efforts stopped for a moment, and in the second, Roxas attempted to pull away, and his weakness was so strong that it scared Axel. Scared him really bad. His grip loosened, lowering the dying body back to the ground. His face had never regained colour from the Ice Cream incident, and if possible, it just got paler. "I love you!" he blurted without giving it a thought first. And after he said it, he didn't feel anything. Even after the confession, he was just left with sadness, and no pride, no defiance, no love._

_Roxas' eyes grew slightly wider, the pupils dilating. He seemed to speculate over this for what had to be the longest moment in both of their lives. He didn't seem to notice that his breaths were numbered. Axel had said it. And so.. "I.. Same to you.. Axel.." If Roxas had had enough blood left to blush, he would have. A hand reached numbly out to Axel, but it stopped halfway, before falling limp with the rest of his body._

_"Roxas! No!" Axel's hand caught Roxas' before it could hit the ground, blood starting to slip down his wrists as well, leaving a burning sensation in it's wake. But, as Roxas' life had flowed away, Axel felt everything else vanish with it. It was like everything he'd ever known was leaving, and leaving him feeling nothing. Not even sadness, or pain, or loss. Nor anger, or hurt, or regret. He felt as if his entire being had fizzled away as he watched his best friend's body turn to smoke, to ash, whatever it was they turned to when they died. Soon Axel was left crouched over nothing, arm extended with a hand grasping at nothing but air. _

_After a long time, he didn't know how long it was, he stood. Blood flicked from his black cloak, splattering on the ground. He slowly exited down the stairs, leaving a trail of bloodied footprints behind. The bloodied footprints were the last thing he would know of Roxas._

And now the clock was striking twelve. Each stroke burned into Axel's memory.

One. Remember the time that Roxas had gotten Ice Cream in your hair, Axel?

Two. When you both had gone to the park?

Three. The pictures of them that had turned up after Demyx caught them on the roller coaster?

Four. The week that Roxas wouldn't speak?

Five. The discussion about his abnormally spiky hair?

Seven. Why was Sea-Salt Ice Cream salty and sweet?

Eight. We talk about a lot of random things, huh?

Nine. Why didn't you tell us, Roxas?

Ten. My invisible heart.. Did you take it with you?

Eleven. Why do I feel this way?

Twelve. Roxas.. Why did you leave me!

The twelfth stroke broke something inside of him. Twelve long hours without Roxas; Axel had not once permitted himself to cry. That just wouldn't be right. Roxas wanted to die. No point in crying over spilt milk. But the twelfth stroke... A low sob escaped from his partially open lips before he moved a hand over them. But the tears that had collected in his eyes were threatening to overflow, and even closing them wouldn't help. One tear slowly escaped from his eye, traveling down the bridge of his nose, to his cheek, before disappearing over his chin. And the rest followed; a torrent of pain and dispair that was bursting to life at all once. Axel rolled over and buried his face in the crook of one of his arms, attempting to stifle the sobs that were coming from him, but that was all to no avail. What had happened, had happened, and it was all catching up with him at once. He had no idea what kind of noises were coming from him, or how he could even produce such a noise. But, sooner or later, the tears had run out. What was different, was that he no longer felt nothing. There was a steadily growing pain inside, an aching that went from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. Along with the reoccuring thought: Roxas. Why Roxas? Why, Roxas, why hadn't you told me? Maybe I could have helped, someone could have? We would have all listened, why did you have to prove it this way, Roxas? Roxas... A strangled sigh escaped through Axel's pale pink lips, shifting his face away from the damp spot that his tears had left on the pillow. He sat up enough to grab at the covers, pulling them up tightly around him, as if that could block out the pain. His thoughts swirled around him, twisting and turning and tossing, until eventually he slipped into an unhappy unconsciousness.

Morning came all too soon, along with the pain and the reality of losing one of the team. Or, should he really just be saying one of his friends? Axel was used to losing the team. In fact, he had been the one who had exterminated Zexion, Larxene, Marluxia, so on, so forth. He had had no trouble swallowing that. But now Roxas was gone, and he couldn't even find the strength to open his eyes, to haul his limp body out of bed to face the day's challenges. It seemed like way too much to handle at the very moment.

But, Roxas seemed to have vanished from the minds of the other Organization members. No one seemed to notice his absence, even after Axel had reported the news. He was able to meet the eye of Saix, telling him what had happened. But he couldn't now, as Saix had slipped into his room and was demanding his attention. The redhead was listening, but not comprehending.

"Axel. We need you to do recon today with Xigbar. He will be waiting in the Grey Area."

"What the hell would I be reconing..." he murmured in response, not bothering to mention about knocking. Also, not bothering to get up. Like he was going to go do recon after his best friend had just died.

"Whatever needs recon, is what. Now get up, or I'll have to report to Number I."

"Report to him.. Go have a little chat with Xemnas.. I don't care."

There was a pause of silence before Saix spoke again. "You got too attached," was the only response, along with footsteps signaling the castle boss leaving. Of course he had gotten too attached. Axel was sure that Xemnas knew that as well as everyone in the castle. Kingdom Hearts or no Kingdom Hearts; heart or no heart, he had gotten too attached.

What seemed like hours later to him, he finally rolled over before pushing himself out of bed, cloak swirling around him. Dried blood was matted into the fabric somewhere, not visible to the naked eye, but visible to Axel's heart. Nobodies or not, even after all of the time denying the fact that he, Axel, had a heart, he could feel he did now. It had only taken the ultimate sacrifice to realize it. He understood what Roxas had said before, how losing one of his friends was a scary feeling. It truly was.

The white room, emblazoned with the Organization's symbol as were all of the rooms, had been deserted for going on a day now. No one had touched the room, not yet anyway. Soon all of the blonde haired boy's possessions would be cleared out, disposed of. No one would notice, and no one would care. But, as the redheaded Nobody hid away from his recon mission, he wasn't about to let that happen. A gloved hand paused on the doorknob to Roxas' old room before the door was swung open. Axel paused in the doorway before heading in hesitantly, feeling like he was spying on his friend's personal space. Well, he had to realize that Roxas wasn't ever going to be using this stuff again, so it was ok. No, it wasn't, not really, but he just told himself it was. For the sake of things. Axel's slender fingers curled around the drawer handle before pulling it open, shifting through clothes that were all too painfully familiar. He didn't exactly know where it was, but he knew that Roxas had a diary. Journal. Every Organization member was given one in the start, and Saix had mentioned it before. But where would his best friend keep it... His very own was tucked away, hidden in his closet. Sitting on the top shelf with a shoebox settled neatly on top. Not that he wrote very much in it, though. Roxas, on the other hand, obviously had some things that he had kept hidden and Axel was going to find out just what it was. If the redhead had one goal before anything else could happen, it was going to be that.

"Well Roxas.."

He looked about the room, looking for anything suspicious or out of place. But the deserted room was as about dull as sitting alone on the clocktower. Which he would be doing from now on. The room was just dead, just like.. His thoughts trailed off listlessly, fingers clenching into fists around the piece of black fabric that was in his hands. An old shirt of Roxas'. He wasn't even sure how he had gotten his hands on it. He must have subconsciously hung onto it. Gaze dropping to look at the dark t-shirt, a silent sigh escaped his clenched teeth, making it's way through his pale pink lips. He needed to face the truth, but he didn't want to. The Flurry wanted to yell and scream and cry, to make a fuss and be in denial. To raise a little hell in honour of his best friend's rememberance. But he didn't. He kept his emotions locked away inside, and played the part of a perfectly normal, slightly grieving, friend. But there was so much hidden behind the act. So many secrets, so many lies. Axel dropped down onto the bed, ready to just give up for the moment and call this old room his new one. But upon finding something hard under the covers made him want to think again, a flash of irritation swelling up before vanishing. He shifted the sheets, pulling out an open book; the journal.

"Ah geez.. You had it out all 'long.." he murmured, eyes being drawn to the words on the page. Splatters of crimson tainted the page at random places; so it seemed Roxas' last entry had been done right before he had gone to the clock tower that day.

_Axel, figuring you're gonna find this. You're a stubborn guy, for not having a heart and all. I know you'd come searching for this journal after I did what I had to do, just to see why I did it. I suppose it's not something that I can really put into words, but... I've never fit in here at the Organization every since day one. I'm a weird Nobody, kind of like Xion used to be. I used to worry that I would turn out like she did, but I, nor you, would ever let it get that far, right? That's what friends are for.. The rest of the team, and Xemnas too, I don't think they like me too much. It's one of those relationships where you have to love me; I was the key to getting everyone a heart. And I know that I'm letting everyone down, but Xemnas can find another Keyblade holder, anyone could take the place of me. And just like I said before; nobody's gonna miss me. I've almost hinted this to you before, Axel, but you probably didn't notice. Most didn't. In any case.. I'm sorry, but I know this is right. When I can stop my breath and be happy, rather than struggle through every wheeze, I'll do it. Deepest sorrow, Axel. Be well. Don't be reckless, don't get turned into a Dusk. Roxas._

Eyes, which had saddened throughout the reading, trailed away from the words that would forever stay locked in his mind, as long as he should live. Roxas really didn't explain himself, but maybe he was just doing that on purpose. Slender fingers began to flick through the pages, skimming. Analysis would come later. Something feel out from between the pages and he just managed to catch it before it fluttered to the floor. It was a photo, one of Roxas, Xion, and himself. All on the clock tower. Sharing Sea Salt Ice Cream. Just playing around, joking. Now where in the world did he get that picture...

Well, Roxas. You were right about something. "Nobody's going to miss you.. So true.." This Nobody, indeed, did miss him.

"Axel." A voice brought the Flurry out of his reverie, making him blink in confusion. People hadn't been talking to him a lot at the moment, which he didn't mind in some ways. In other ways, well it just stunk. Eyes traveled up to meet a set of deep blue ones. He blinked in recognition, and the familiar eyes vanished, being replaced with a set of green ones.

"Hellooooo there, are you with me?" Axel blinked yet again, wishing those blue eyes would come back and gaze deeply into his own. What he wouldn't do to see those eyes again... But shortly after, he nodded slightly, turning his gaze away from the other man.

"It sucks about Roxas, man." A single vibrating string on the sitar belonging to the Nobody that controlled water, sent up a sad, mournful noise to their ears

However, Axel wasn't in the mood to hear about this. "Yep," was his curt reply, a stretch making its way through his frame. He could still act nonchalant if he really tried at it, but it would be a wasted effort after only a few moments.

"So, do you want to go on a Heartless mission with me? You know that I'm not cut out for this. Plus, it should be fun, we're going to Twilight Town without a specific target!"

Axel froze up at the mention of the town that now held all the bad memories of the few days ago. Demyx seemed to pick up on the other Nobody's distress as well. "Come on Axel!"

The Flurry figured that he probably wasn't going to get out of this, just because Demyx had the knack to be very persistant, very annoying, and very lazy. And therefore, if he didn't go, nothing would get done. And it gave him a reason to be distracted by something else. Just as long as he steered clear of the train station.. The clock tower.. A shudder passed through his body, along with a wave of nausea. Long fingers clutched at the back of the couch, managing to keep himself from collapsing to the floor. Demyx looked to be on the verge of saying something, but the redhead cut him off.

"Fine. Whatever you want. Just don't be leaving all the work to me."

The dirty blonde haired man inhaled with a loud gasp and took a step back, staring at Axel as if he had just suggested the most absurd idea ever. "Now, why would I ever do that?!"

"Because you're lazy." He ran a hand through his perfect red spikes before using the same hand to conjure up a dark corridor. "Let's go." He walked into the swirling mass of darkness, being followed closely by the sitar carrying Nobody, whom was muttering under his breath.

The duo arrived in Twilight Town a few moments later, Axel stepping out first, eyes closing as he set foot on the land in the town. But before his partner could notice, he had already reopened them and was heading to the Sandlot. "You go to the Station Heights. I'll take the Sandlot, and Tram Common. Meet me in the Old Woods, and we'll head to the Mansion."

"R-Right. I'll just... go tackle those Heartless!" Demyx scrambled away, heading in the direction of the town kids hangout, not Station Heights.

"Demyx!"

"I'm just taking the long way, geez. Don't get so worked up."

"Right.." Axel muttered to himself, coming to a standstill as several Shadows emerged from the ground. Easy prey. Purebloods. No hearts. Useless. Kinda like himself. A sharp blow to his leg made him jolt from his daydreaming, the chakras appearing in his hands in a flurry of flames. He swung out at the Shadows, lashing and landing blows to their heads. They were eradicted within moments, leaving Axel free to continue. He made his way into Tram Common, and was immediately surrounded by Samurais. Well, these things didn't turn up too much. Weird, he thought these thing served below him, not meaning to attack. A small shrug was made before his chakras lit up, with a swish sent homing missiles of fire toward them, igniting their grey blue frame. Then he lunged, spikes on the weapon finishing the lesser Nobodies off.

"Nice goin', man!" And there was Demyx.

"Why didn't you help?"

"Uh.. I was cheering you on."

"Uh huh. Let's just go." Axel stood from his crouch, chakras vanishing for the moment. He headed towards the hole in the wall of Tram Common, which would lead him to the Old Woods.

"Uh Axel?"

"What."

"There was this big Heartless.."

The redhead sighed. "You didn't take care of it." It wasn't a question.

"I tried," Demyx whined, swinging his sitar.

"Yeah, right."

"I did!"

Not wanting to take up time arguing, he conjured up the portal and vanished to the train station without thinking. And then stopped. The clock was chiming twelve. Demyx appeared out of the portal behind him, crashing into him. "Geez man! Just stand there!"

Axel moved as if a daze. He could feel Roxas, his presence, so close. The redhead shuffled away from the portal, and the complaining Demyx, opening the doors to the train station and walking in.

"Axel! What are you doing? It's not in there, you idiot. Just come out here and---" The Nobody broke off with a yip as a Destroyer appeared next to him. He took off running into the station as well. Upon entering, he didn't see the other Nobody around, but then soon spotted his bright red locks. "The Heartless... Out there..!"

The Flurry's eyes were locked on the sky, breathing in deeply as the twelfth strike of the clock echoed around. The whistle of a train was heard in the silence that followed. Time seemed to have stopped itself, nobody was moving, nobody was talking, nothing was happening.

And then Axel stepped onto the train tracks just as the train came home.

A loud whistle screeched, wheels locked followed by a sickening thud and various cracking noises. Time released itself.

Demyx yelped as the train slowly came to a halt, having dragged Axel's limp body along with it. Blood and guts were spread along the scene, a decapitated hand lay abadoned near the walkway. Limp pale fingers with blood spewing from jagged slash along the wrist, bone visible. The train had knocked Axel down, wheels slicing off not only the hand but half a leg as well. Crimson might have covered the scene, but no body would ever be found after this moment. Shards of ice like shadows were making their way to the sky, disappearing against the bright flourescence above.

People were screaming, yelling, wondering. Did he just jump in front of the train? Did he fall? Bless the poor man's heart.. What happened? What happened!

_"That was hardly necessary, Axel." _

_"Heh. When I have ever done just the ordinary?"_

_"Stepping in front of a train?"_

_"It's all the same."_

_"I suppose you are right."_

_A faint smile flickered upon the lips of Axel, before he pulled his best friend into a bone wrenching hug._

_"Ow! C'mon, get off!" Roxas chuckled and squirmed before being released, landing a playful punch to the older Nobody's shoulder. "You wanna go to the clock tower and eat ice cream?"_

_"Roxas, we're dead. We can't eat." _

_"Oh right."_

_"Stupid."_

_"Hey!"_

_Their laughter mingled together against the chiming of the clock as the couple made their way up the stairs and into the light above._


End file.
